The guy with his arm on fire is my lifelong neighbor and new hero, Sean Gallagher! Apparently he was plucked from an audition line for some other job, by a Taco Bell rep who admired his significant ‘fro. Who wouldn’t?

I have to pause and just take it in. Sean is in a TACO BELL COMMERCIAL.

Remember last week when I was thrilled as all hell that the media covered my friend Ben’s walk-thru at McDonald’s? Well, I love Taco Bell even more than McDonald’s. I know, it’s crazy. This is an amazing day for me. My circle of aquaintances is a blooming cornucopia of professional-ish associations with fast food!

Speaking of which, I love how it says “Professional. Do not attempt,” as if Sean belongs to the pyromanics’ union and truly knows his way around fire.

Fresh (actually, a few weeks stale like the English muffins in my fridge) out of the PopWatch oven:

Who dat?

Why yes! I’d buy a crate of pickles ‘n’ cream popsicles from this fiiiine man.

Who is this stud selling Schick razors in a 1980 commercial? Take your time guessing, if you even need to, which you shouldn’t.

Click here for the answer and to watch the video.

I’ve had it with the commercials for the “Timeshares Only” hotline!

First of all, great pic. This woman simply would not work with me. She is falling asleep because the couple in the hot tub, WHOM SHE IS WATCHING ON HER COMPUTER, YEAH RIGHT, haven’t done anything besides sit there. Fakest. Office. Ever.

Who do they think they are, McDonald’s? “Over $2 Billion sold!” You don’t sell money. You sell burgers, if you’re cool, and possibly timeshares.

Who is watching an infomercial for Timeshares Only — “the most trusted name in timeshares!” — and thinking, “You know what? Yes!” and placing a call? No one! I refuse to believe this company really exists beyond my TV.

Not to mention: You have no idea how annoying the word “timeshares” can be after this bitch says it 20 times in one minute. Sometimes there’s an upward lilt on the second syllable. Most often, she whacks you upside the head on the “TIME” part. Tiiiiiiimeshares!

Next time I’m going to have to reach through her fake computer screen, where I’ll be fake-sipping a lethal tequila sunrise atop a fake raft in a fake infinity pool, and pour it down her gullet. Of course, that’d be admitting she and her fake office really exist, which I’m not sure I’m ready to do at this juncture. I should head south to my new timeshare and ruminate on this.

Agh! Ann from Arrested Development (a.k.a. Bell, Egg, Man) guest starred on last night’s Desperate Housewives.

I love how this actress doesn’t mind being made to look gross on purpose… Also, god I miss AD.

Writing for EW.com’s PopWatch blog has been awesome, but it means I haven’t had much time to update on here with reports on my relationship with my DVR and pictures of food on my bed.

:(

In lieu of that, here are some of the entries I’ve found the most fun, since they’re a bit hard to find a few days after the fact:

In which Annie…

–makes fun of three new movie trailers

–peeps a sneak preview of The O.C.

–predicts which celebs could pull off a buzzhawk

–falls asleep in front of Vh1 Classic’s The Vault

–attempts, then fails to follow a lame theme of the letters “de”

–has an IM convo with Michael Slezak about why they’re still watching ABC’s “Brothers & Sisters”

–complains (in jest) about how having a DVR is stressful

–reviews the new Slash/Spinal tap Volkswagen commercials

–wastes an insane amount of time watching TV romance mashups on YouTube

I’ve also been doing recaps of Dancing With the Stars, if anyone cares. (I’d actually prefer if you didn’t watch this show.)

And here’s a link to the EW.com staff picks for The “Bad” Movie I Love. Mine (Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead) is the first one because I’m very cool.

A commercial for Veet came on during last night’s episode of The O.C. I was barely watching, but then at the end of it I caught this image infiltrating my screen. (right). A woman was actually shown shaving her legs in a zigzag. Zig zag. Zig-zag. Is that one word? Maybe I should Wikipedia it. Yeah right.

Oh, the commercial. When the woman did this, I was under the initial impression that the commercial was for a razor. Most of them are. Why would it be the cream? No. So I perked up, all interested in what kind of new, fun, pillow-edged razor I should buy so I can start shaving my legs in the pattern of long and winding roads. It suddenly seemed like I and everyone else should have wanted to do this all along — shave our legs in whatever design suited our fancy right at that moment. Heart! Turkey sub! Doggie bone! I felt uncreative for having never thought to plow a shape into my leg hair.

As soon as I found out the ad was for a funky depilatory cream and not a razor, I was really let down. There wasn’t a new, cool razor that could make zigzags. It was literally a person slathering cream all over herself and then wiping it off with a somewhat sharp, pink mini-spatula. That’s gross.

Wow. I never realized how anti-depilatory I was. It’s not even that I’m pro-razor. I hate razors. Nobody likes shaving. People dread it. But… why is the idea of depilatory cream so much worse than carefully dragging what is commonly considered a weapon over my surface area?

If you think about it, shaving is scary!

I’m gonna wake up in the morning and be so disappointed in this post.

Does anyone remember a cookie manufactured during the ’80s called Giggles? I asked Dee last month but she didn’t know what I was talking about. Look, Dee! I loved these cookies and thought they were both adorable and my special friends when I was really little. I’d carry them around in the box and occasionally eat one, but there were about six different varieties of faces in the box so I’d be sure to leave one of each face in the box. Then I’d lay them all out on the counter and study them quizzically, trying to decide which one I liked the least and therefore deserved to be the first casualty of my final round. I did this until all that was left were crumbs. < --- Kind of Cute or Sick and Pathological? You make the call. I already know my vote.

Besides, it’s not like I walked around giggling like that doofus in the commercial. I wonder if he turned out screwed up. That was insane. Rather, I was very methodical about the whole process. It was almost as if carrying around the box of Giggles was my full-time job for that day. I was so intent on executing the job correctly and fairly. Wow, my professionalism shone through at such a young age. I wonder what happened to it.

I find it incredibly fitting that when I hurried to pause my TV right before this week’s new episode of LOST (I wasn’t ready to dive in just yet because there was Thai takeout to be picked up) I happened to pause it on precisely this image (right). McDonald’s’ (wow, that’s awkward) new addition to its Dollar Menu is a sixer of McNuggets. This is huge. They warn that this will only be the case until January 31, so DR encourages everyone to go out and reap the benefits of the deal so that McD’s will have no choice but to continue the big moneymaker, now and forever and ever, amen.

The commercial reminded me of another hand-centric pause I captured during the iPod Nano commercial (left).

“Uh huh… I guess all those hands look the same to you, Annie.”

OMG, you’re right. I’m so racist.

No, I just like the whole “reaching for the unattainable” theme present in commercials today. Keeps the dream alive, eh? Then, when you’re sitting at home with your Nano and dollar pack of nuggets, you’ll feel more triumphant. You just beat all the odds, and yet what you did was entirely ordinary and shallow! See? It’s better for us all. Deception is key.

I should point out here that until this week I was partial to the 99-cent menu at Wendy’s. Cheaper, more to choose from, and Frosty-inclusive. Can’t go wrong. Unless you get the chili, I guess. (Which I constantly do. Sorry. It’s excellent.)

Hey, that’s my mom!

Currently loving: Soft Baked cookies, this time in “Sugar” variety
Currently hatin’: NYC deli prices on beer. WTF? I miss my independent supermarket down the street (Strawberry Fields, awww…), even if I was their only customer, hence their shutdown.

This week’s UNCALLED FOR! award goes to a KFC commercial featuring a pink-sweatered mom coming home to her hungry husband, son, and daughter with a huge-ass bucket of chicken.

She tentatively says something like “I got original recipe for you, crispy strips for you, and popcorn chicken for you…” and her voice trails off as if she’s deathly afraid that all three of these were really bad moves.

Suddenly the son stands up. He’s shaking his head, slowly, for maximum effect. Is he pissed? Is he pleased? Oh, Christ, I have to find out right now! The boy starts clapping, and within one second the dad and girl are on their feet. IT’S A STANDING O FOR MOM! They’re not going to kill her! They love her taste in chicken. Because it’s theirs. Applause! Way to go, honey. You didn’t fuck it up.

As if the standing O wasn’t bad enough, the mother then puts her hand to her heart and gasps in relief. She can’t believe that her family’s so happy with her about the damn chicken. Her near-tearful reaction implies that this will be the highlight of her week. (Note that there is no third of the bucket dedicated to her own preferred style. Chances are she won’t even eat the KFC because it tastes like shit.)

Really? This is what we’ve been reduced to? KFC, this despicable commercial was… UNCALLED FOR!

Currently loving: Corner Bakery sugar cookies from the Birthday Box
Currently hating: KFC, for making me crave crispy strips right now

I’m glad Fox News finds it necessary to tell everyone in the New York area that they’re shitty parents. This banner, which appears every weeknight right before the news, has always annoyed me, but recently I noticed the product placement that accompanies it. WTF? Is it J&R Computer World that wants to know where your children are? Or is this a non-subtle message that if you don’t know where your children are, check the J&R and if they’re not there, stick around and go shopping, and by the way, you’re shitty parents? Either way, that’s severely effed up.

By the way, couldn’t they have found a nastier, sorrier looking kid than that one? Survey says: No. Oh, and if you don’t find your children right this minute, they will sprout mutant hairstyles as inexplicable as his.

This is really pissing me off. I think the President is somehow behind this, becuase he’s good at inspiring fear in people while making no sense whatsoever. Awww. I’m picturing my own parents watching the news in bed, turning to each other, panic stricken, and saying “No!” in unison. Guys, I’m right here, eating an old bagel and annoying the neighbors with my funky music played at what I consider to be a moderate volume. It’s all good.

Is this Rachel Griffiths? I’m so confused. A Google search of “Rachel Griffiths Weight Watchers” is decidedly inconclusive.

I wouldn’t think much of it normally, but I saw the WW ad on the same day that I saw an Amstel Light commercial featuring lookalikes of Thom Filicia from Queer Eye and Jennifer Beals from The L Word. Clearly neither of the commercial’s actors are the celebrities themselves, but was this pairing intentional? Did people at the Amstel Light marketing meeting go “Let’s have the poeple look like the ones in the gay shows?” I just thought this was weird.

Not to mention, it’s the dumbest commercial ever. It’s set to haunting organ music that reminds me of The Count’s segements on Sesame Street when he used to say, “I loooooove to count! Ha, ha, ha, ha.” Except in the commercial, the woman mutters, “I loved you. You were perfection. And then, you were gone.”

Enter a more bug-eyed version of Thom, who gives her an “Are you for real? I brought you your fucking beer” look (left) before placing a full bottle of Amstel Light down to her empty one. Is this faux-glam scene supposed to embody Amstel’s slogan, “Live tastefully”? Are the loookalikes planted to suggest some higher-arching sexual tension or lack thereof at work in the room? Do I need to stop watching so much television?

Rounding out DR’s special advertising report is the new iPod nano commercial. The nano is so hip that it doesn’t need a capital letter to make it distinct. It really is that small.

If you’re one of the five people who read my iPod story last year, you may remember my insinuation that iPods are inherently racist. Well, in the new nano commercial, set to “Gimme That” by The Resource, a selfish white hand actually taunts a black hand with its iPod nano, and then pulls it away when the black hand tries to grab it from him. Gimme that! says the black hand, and the oppressive, hierarchical white hand says not in your wildest dreams can you have this bright white musical toy. Go back to your side and let me finish twirling around my nano as if it was a scratchy turntable and I was powering the song all by myself. Ch-check the technique, biatch.

I won’t pretend I’m the first person to ever loathe Old Navy commercials. Been there, done that, bought the leotard. I think you’ll agree, though, that its latest spot about Bermuda shorts is the chain’s worst yet.

I don’t mean in a “so bad it’s good” way. I get the feeling Old Navy knows how much people must despise its colorful, ultra-campy commercials, but keeps making them because they’re sort of endearing in their own right.

No. They’re not. In fact, every time this new one comes on, I don’t hit mute anymore, like I used to. I literally lunge for the remote or the TV itself (which is usually closer, considering the size of the Pink Palace) so I can actually turn it off or fast forward. Anything that’ll get it completely out of my sight.

With DVR (my life partner), it’s so easy to forego commercials when I’m really serious about watching a show. But when I’m trying to read or write and the TV is just on, I have recently had horrible luck with this commercial. It’s like my personal nemesis. I think it might actually live in my cable system. Maybe it realized how much I freak out whenever it comes on and has stored itself as a unique recording for those special, rare moments when I’m actually being happily productive… just so it can blast itself in an in-your-face “Up yours, Barrett!” type of way.

I just read that paragraph over and realized how moronic I sound. I could just… not have the TV on. Duh.

But that would be too easy. Plus, I like having the news SNL reruns on just in case there’s a breaking story I should know about. This also cuts down on my gossip website-reading time, so everyone wins. Except me.

You’ve seen this commercial, right? It’s set to the tune of that song from Fame. “I’m gonna live forever… I’m gonna learn how to fly (FAME!)” The choreography is the final scene in Fame times five in terms of obnoxiousness and jazz hands.

Yeah. Here are the lyrics to the Old Navy commercial. You think they sound stupid on TV? You have no idea how dumb they appear in print:

Bermuda shorts (SHORTS!)
I’m gonna wear them forever
Even if the weather is mild (SHORTS!)
My family’s lookin’ so crisp and clever
Long shorts from the tropical isle (SHORTS!)
You’ll wanna wear ‘em forever
You should remember their name
Bermuda! Bermuda! Bermuda! Bermuda!
Old Navy! Bermuda!

This is the part where it absolutely kills me that my camera is being repaired (for, like, weeks) and I can’t snap a pic of this one perfect frame. It’s on the second SHORTS! outburst, and they zoom in on this dude’s crotch with a huge “Shorts!” superimposed just above. Is that necessary? We get it! Bermuda! Shorts! “Remember their name?” They’re Bermuda shorts! We already knew about them! Ugh. It’s all so suffocating.

But since I’ve dedicated a shamless amount of energy to it already, I should at least adapt the jingle for my own purposes.

Annie’s shitty website (DIMINISHING RETURNS!)
You’re gonna read it forever
Even when it’s totally bland (DIMINISHING RETURNS!)
Wonder why it’s never that clever?
She’s always high on Stoli Raz/cran (BOOZE!)
You really don’t wanna be here
It’s not gonna brighten your day
West Village! 20-something! She’s clueless! Stop coming!
Annie Barrett! DR!

Don’t even get me started on the Gap’s “Pretty Khaki” commercials. Khaki? Not pretty. Is not even remotely associated with prettiness. Carrie Bradshaw would be seriously horrified.

I particularly hate how there are two dramatic buildups with “I enjoy being a…” and then she just speaks the word “girl.” What a mindfuck. Is anyone else frustrated that she doesn’t let loose and just belt out the high notes? It’s not like she couldn’t do it. I want to tell her “You’re SJP. Trust us. We’ll listen. We’ll think you’re adorable even if it sounds a little off!”

I keep thinking one of these times, they’ll surprise us and she’ll actually capitalize on the buildup with a resounding “giiiiiiirl!” I’d be so satisfied I might even turn off the TV.

Oh wait, and does anyone else want to vomit at the “Men think I’m cute and funny” part? I can’t believe she stole my personal mantra! Ha. Okay. I’m pulling the plug now. It’s time.

P.S. San Francisco pics