This just in from the Dept. of the Horrible — the Highlands Middle School Show Choir Orlando Trip of 1995 (HMSSCOT1995) is now living and breathing fresh new viruses onto the Internet. And not even the impressive part of the trip (when we festered in the Days Inn swimming pool for three straight hours and did not die), but rather the one song and dance number for which they let Kara and me take over the front row. WHY would you allow me to be in the front row of ANYTHING? I can’t remember if we bullied the director into that or she just felt sorry for us always being stuck in the back.

Gross.

Watch my new shiz, and if you’re out of your mind and really into American Idol, you should go ahead and watch the entire EW.com Idolatry series. It takes less than six hours and Michael Slezak is a total fox!

‘DWTS Talk’ — Season 6 Awards!
Field-testing the Wii Fit
‘Idolatry’ — Final 3 recap
‘Idolatry’ — David vs. David

But boy oh boy can I talk or what? So OMG PLEASE CONTINUE TO WATCH THESE EW.COM VIDEOS. Lots of new ones are up on the most self-centered web page ever — DWTS Talk, Idolatry, and me interviewing cubicle stud Maksim Chmerkovskiy again. He keeps it real, unlike Snuffy.

But…Friend of DR Ben LaBolt has me beat because Katie Couric interviewed HIM. (at 03:25) [CBS.com]

The Chmerkovisionary awards my horrible freestyle rap about sequins and fringe A PERFECT 10. Of course he does!

[DWTS Talk, week 3]

And now for a rare glimpse at what I do all day at the office… EW.com’s ‘America’s Next Top Doll’ video series. WHO! Will be eliminated tonight?

Not an Onion headline today, but should be.
[‘DWTS Talk’ on EW.com]

Above, Dancing With the Stars badass Maksim Chmerkovskiy is informing me that my cubicle is a mess. His fingers are so lightning-fast that they’re blurry. YES.

Video 1: Why he’s not doing season 6
Video 2: Maks’ favorite season 5 dances with Mel B
Video 3: Why women have no chance of winning DWTS

I’ll be doing a weekly video (woefully sans Maksim) about Dancing With the Stars, on EW.com. Just me running my mouth. It’ll be a disaster! In other words, totally watch it! But Maksim will be back every so often.

Bangs on film! DIGITAL film. Here we go.

Idolatry on EW.com, part 1.

Part 2, featuring a “100% Pure Love” breakdown 

Two of the new American Gladiators, Crush and Wolf, dropped by my ever-festive cubicle to share powerful secrets of gladiating with me and Slezak. Here’s Part 1 of what’s sure to be a truly enlightening series. My fave part is when I blurt out “Gassy!” Awkward…

Update: Here’s Part 2. We talk “style,” and Wolf compliments the tropical fish spandex leggings from the ’80s (Dee Barrett Original Flavored) that I am obviously wearing in these videos.

Michael Slezak (google alert!) is not havin’ it with my awesome pants in this frame.

Okay, here’s the best one, Part 3. Ridiculous challenges include catching candy in our moths, fielding a publicist’s phone call, and flying paper airplanes.

Oh, and I totally have a crush on Crush.

Check out these “sizzling” behind-the-scenes videos of Conan O’Brien’s EW cover shoot.

Part 1: Conan’s Strike Tips
Part 2: Conan vs. Chimp
Part 3: Conan’s beard is so hot right now

I went to interview Conan O’Brien (and a chimp) two weeks ago on the set of his Entertainment Weekly photo shoot. It took place at what he called a “seedy warehouse” but was in reality a studio in Chelsea. I played with a chimp named Louie, watched Conan “show me fierce” (rest assured he is still in the running towards becoming America’s Next Top Model), and interviewed him — mostly about his gorgeous strike facial hair. It was by far the most awesome thing I’ve done for work… no, actually, in general. It’s all downhill from here, Purple Shirt!

The chimp, honestly, I could give or take. I was astonished to see myself kiss the chimp on the mouth (ewwwww.com) in Part 2 because I don’t remember doing that. I must have blacked out due to my irrational fear of animals.

Bearded wonder Conan O’Brien, though, I absolutely loved. He was so friendly, laid-back, and just effortlessly funny the whole time. I didn’t even want to talk during the interview because I knew everything he said would be funny and was afraid of cutting him off.

Before the cameras rolled he was jokingly complaining that his parents consider his brother the successful one because his brother’s a lawyer, while Conan just has this joke job in “entertainment.” I was like “Yeah, look at what you do…despicable.”

Conan O’Brien! I’m sitting next to him! What the hay-ul?

Could I look anymore obnoxious? (Probably!)

Watch the video.

I love this: Recently, people have found this website by googling “Liz Lemon Half Eaten Lunch.” Why wouldn’t they do that? This framed photograph hanging in Tina Fey’s office on 30 Rock is one of my favorite things about the show, which means it’s a very big deal. The giant eating utensils on a different (or maybe the same) wall are also awesome. So was this episode.

Anyway, I’m making it easier: You can buy Liz Lemon’s amazing office portrait featuring fried chicken, fries haphazardly glazed with ketchup, and some unidentified yellow sauce (yum) for the meager price of $600. It’s part of EW’s holiday gift guide for TV addicts, found here. Happy shopping — you have about an hour and a half left!

(Is everyone enjoying my horrible Photoshopping effort involving a yellow-to-red gradient intended to subliminally signify shitty fast food?)

Mandi Bierly and I covered a preview performance of The Little Mermaid on Broadway. It was my first Broadway show. How sad is that! Here’s our PopWatch post.

To mentally prepare for this spectacle, I went around the office all day singing “Under the Sea”. It’s pretty alarming that I could never imitate any sort of accent (like during my six years of French classes — I gave up trying after 7th grade) and yet I can perfectly mimic a vaguely Jamaican-sounding animated crab from 1989. Supersmart!

As you can see by both of our expressions, the award is worth: nothing!

EW video: Memorable moments from Dancing With the Stars, season 5

This is love: Rickie Vasquez BUSTING A MOVE at the World Happiness Dance!

Take 5: Memorable My So-Called Life scenes, set to memorable music

Who else had the Enigma CD with “Return to Innocence” on it circa 1994? God I was so cool.

New video: NYC “Bee Movie” premiere (feat. Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock!)

“Why are bees funny?”

Psych! Nothing could ever ruin guac for me.

Today’s Take 5. Smells like egotism!

Good question.

Nice face.

Though she and Keepon do kind of look alike.

Still, what a lazy bitch.

–The Internet

If you were ever going to indulge me and watch just one EW.com video, watch this one because it’s only a minute long, and I buy a baked good.

DR readers are perhaps the only Peeps (R) who will truly appreciate the inclusion of my board game “Eat It!” in this weekend’s Take 5.