Two of the new American Gladiators, Crush and Wolf, dropped by my ever-festive cubicle to share powerful secrets of gladiating with me and Slezak. Here’s Part 1 of what’s sure to be a truly enlightening series. My fave part is when I blurt out “Gassy!” Awkward…

Update: Here’s Part 2. We talk “style,” and Wolf compliments the tropical fish spandex leggings from the ’80s (Dee Barrett Original Flavored) that I am obviously wearing in these videos.

Michael Slezak (google alert!) is not havin’ it with my awesome pants in this frame.

Okay, here’s the best one, Part 3. Ridiculous challenges include catching candy in our moths, fielding a publicist’s phone call, and flying paper airplanes.

Oh, and I totally have a crush on Crush.

Check out these “sizzling” behind-the-scenes videos of Conan O’Brien’s EW cover shoot.

Part 1: Conan’s Strike Tips
Part 2: Conan vs. Chimp
Part 3: Conan’s beard is so hot right now

I went to interview Conan O’Brien (and a chimp) two weeks ago on the set of his Entertainment Weekly photo shoot. It took place at what he called a “seedy warehouse” but was in reality a studio in Chelsea. I played with a chimp named Louie, watched Conan “show me fierce” (rest assured he is still in the running towards becoming America’s Next Top Model), and interviewed him — mostly about his gorgeous strike facial hair. It was by far the most awesome thing I’ve done for work… no, actually, in general. It’s all downhill from here, Purple Shirt!

The chimp, honestly, I could give or take. I was astonished to see myself kiss the chimp on the mouth (ewwwww.com) in Part 2 because I don’t remember doing that. I must have blacked out due to my irrational fear of animals.

Bearded wonder Conan O’Brien, though, I absolutely loved. He was so friendly, laid-back, and just effortlessly funny the whole time. I didn’t even want to talk during the interview because I knew everything he said would be funny and was afraid of cutting him off.

Before the cameras rolled he was jokingly complaining that his parents consider his brother the successful one because his brother’s a lawyer, while Conan just has this joke job in “entertainment.” I was like “Yeah, look at what you do…despicable.”

Conan O’Brien! I’m sitting next to him! What the hay-ul?

It was a gift. It’s supposed to be a cursor, of the computer/mouse variety. Funny! But originally I thought it was, like, a comment on my self-centeredness. Like this person assumed I’d want to walk around with an arrow directing people to focus more of their attention than usual to my Self. (Which is kind of the point of walking around ANYWAY.) The fact that I “went there” right away only proves what an asshole I am. Hooray! A sampling from my coworkers’ reactions:

“I’m not feelin’ it.”

“Hahahaha! I think it totally suits you.”

“That looks like some crap trinket a publicist sent us.”

So?

‘Cause that happened last night, and I’ve been sneezing all day. That’s probably not how allergies work, huh.

More on this later. It involved Conan O’Brien.

If I believed in New Year’s Resolutions, mine would be to somehow look that awesome (see above) all year. That’s a relic from August ‘07. My friends — The Team — and I were in Michigan for New Buffalo’s illustrious Ship ‘n’ Shore Festival (holla!). A somewhat drunken but TOTALLY CHILL dance party to a playlist I’d created called “It Couldn’t Be Lamer: Dance Hits from the Mid-to-Late ’90s” ensued. We’d already eaten our weight in cheeseburgers, but dancing is tough, and being the motherly provider I am, I decided to root around in the laundry room fridge for something — anything — to replenish our calorie count. By some miraculous intervention a.k.a. “Dee Barrett being awesome,” there happened to be a spare cherry pie just sitting in there on a dish towel. Heavens!

Anyway, I could never do it on this blog because my name’s all the F over it and I would never want people to think I’m even slightly self-absorbed (ha!), but I kind of want someone to do a “Looking Great in ‘08″ series. It’d just be a pic of that person every day and then she’d scathingly critique her own appearance because half the time she’d be unshowered in a college hoodie. It’s only January 2nd and therefore still doable. She’d just have to fake a photo and say it happened yesterday. Maybe I should start an anonymous blog and just go for it. Hmm. Look for this anonymous blog around May when PopWatch mysteriously links to it. You think I’m kidding.