Relic of the Year: handwritten menu for “Golda’s Cafe”
December 1st, 2007
My Aunt Elly apparently saves everything, and this Thanksgiving she festively decorated her bathroom wall with this fictional menu I wrote as a child. (Who does that? And who is Golda?) No date on it, but I’m guessing I was around 7? I’m hoping? God, what if I was 17?
Allow me to count down a few highlights — sort of a Take 5 without those annoying audio/visual elements, if you will…
5. Jinjre Ale as a featured “Bevrage” Was this like a ganja-fied version of ginger ale? Sidenote: I’m completely impressed with my affiliation with Pepsi products instead of Coke at such a tender age.
4. Get the full slab! It’s cheaper! I love how it was important enough to me that my fictional customers might want to take advantage of a great deal on BBQ, should one be offered. Six bucks for a full slab, wow. It certainly was the ’80s! And Golda’s Cafe certainly must have been adjacent to a truck stop on a central Indiana highway, even though we lived in Illinois.
3. Pizza Plate (5 squares) Continuing with the low-class theme, it’s clear that I was tailoring this dream menu to be as close to my childlike tastes as possible. The insistence on “squares” suggests that the greatest type of pizza I knew of at the time came frozen and developed into its most gourmet state via a magical microwave. Sadly (although I’m pretty fine with it), these are still my tastes. I’d eat lunch every day at Golda’s Cafe if I could. Is there one in midtown?
2. “Five Hidden Cherries!” OMG so fun!!! But who exactly was doing the hiding? I’m almost certain it would have been me. Or maybe this “Golda,” but something tells me she wouldn’t have had very clean hands. Plus she never wore her hairnet. You just know it.
1. Becks Thanks to Barnacle Bill Barrett, probably the only name-brand beer I knew of besides Heineken. And there’s no way I was spelling that.
December 1st, 2007 at 11:05 pm
That was amazing. I totally did stuff like that all the time. V. excited for the hidden cherries.
December 2nd, 2007 at 1:48 pm
I am VERY hungry.
I will have 2 Ribs(whole slabs)and 2 Becks…to start
December 2nd, 2007 at 7:46 pm
Riese, you AUTOMATIC-ally deserve six hidden cherries!
Coming right up, Barnacle!
December 3rd, 2007 at 3:45 pm
What I want to know is, was the “coffe” freshly brewed or instant? =+)
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:53 pm
i cried a little when i read this. despite ginger ale, i’m impressed with your childhood spelling, and your affiliation with pepsi-cola.
December 4th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
I know we have already discussed this menu - but wanted to just give an e-high-five for putting Becks first on the list. I cannot believe the psycho - i mean, psychic - abilities you showed at such a young age! And Becks!
December 5th, 2007 at 11:21 am
I’m enjoying how the first half of the menu is perfectly spelled, and then the rest is as if you said: “screw this. I have a restaurant to run!”
Onward, indeed!
Elly, how about I get the original of this artful piece to frame for posterity?
December 5th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Frankly, I am a bit disappointed there aren’t a few more creative dishes on Golda’s menu. Where is the mustard and oreo sandwich??
December 6th, 2007 at 12:06 am
Annie, aren’t you glad I save everything? Chances are I have a few other goodies hanging around.
Re; coffee, always freshly brewed, of course!
And Dee, the original? hmmm…we’ll talk!
December 11th, 2007 at 3:36 am
Man. I could use a #2 with a Becks right about now. (And look at Aunt Elly teasing us with the chance for more gems like this.)
April 15th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
This is amazing!! It’s an exact replica of what we ordered from Angora in college.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
OK First of all I was laughing so hard I was crying, and yes I did stuff just like this as a child, and wish that I still had all of it. I played grocery store…and with my roller skates played drive in resturant too where I made my own menu and martini’s with water and olives…I miss being a little girl, so silly and so much fun. Anywayas I found your blog while searching for baskin robbins clown cones. My husband does not remeber them and I swear that he cannot be a child of the 80’s and not know what the baskin robbins clown cones are (although I am seeing they’ve been around since the 50’s) I’m trying to find a picture of the ones they made in the 80’s because the ones they make now look nothing like the ones I use to get as a child. So anyways I just wanted to thank you for posting this menu and sending me on a journey back into my childhood. Oh and if you ever open Golda’s resturant let me know I’d love to get some jinjer ale and a full rack of ribs, can’t pass up the deal!