“After a long day at work, I don’t wanna SEE that!”
July 24th, 2007
I took this pic in February but it still applies.
Am I the only person who finds Altoid mints disgusting? Like, chew a piece of gum. Eat a Tic-Tac. Drink coffee, even. Just get those things away from me because if you happen to lift the top of that totally pretentious tin, I might accidentally take a whiff and die. Altoids are universally rank. Also, jank.
So there’s clearly no way I’m interested in seeing/tasting Altoids’ “chocolate balls,” which is a shame, because I am obsessed with chocolate balls of the non-Altoid variety. The concept of the CB is beautiful to me. It’s the perfect example of an essential household item. Of course the specimen should consist of chocolate, and of course it should form a sphere. I really don’t see what other type of household item you would want.
I grew up subsisting 30% on Fannie May chocolate balls that Dee left in little crystal dishes around the house. The CBs were individually wrapped in bright-colored foil that made an awesome sound when I crinkled it right next to my ear verrrry slowwwwwwly, because even when wee, I was completely insane. (I still do the ear-crinkle today, and even ask other people for their discarded foil wrapping… as if they had any use for it whatsoever. Sick!) Dee’s fancy dishes were a nice touch; who wants to pluck a CB from a plastic bowl? Pass!
(Who would store her CBs loosely on her crumb-y coffee table, like wayward marbles, if she had them in her own apartment? Me, but I believe we were scrutinizing Dee’s household, not mine.)
I don’t even know what the point of this was; I’m just trying to get rid of all my “drafts”. You lose, no refunds, refer to title of website, etc.
It’s not that I don’t like you if you like Altoids. I just don’t like Altoids. Swim around in that puzzle at your own risk. WARNING: No lifeguard on duty!!!
This post is totally gonna get hits from people looking for porn. Also, because I just said “porn.”
July 24th, 2007 at 4:18 am
So I’m clearly stalking you on a more consistent basis.
The ear-crinkle is very similar to the whif of air let out by York Peppermint Pattie when broken by the ear. This was a post a la you, right?
Also, it’s cute that you had crystal dishes around your house for treats. It’s so…. white. In Arab households - and I promise you it’s not just mine - there are decorative ashtrays strewn about the house that have never and will never contain ashes. It is more likely for them to contain CBs, pistachios, or candy-coated almonds.
July 24th, 2007 at 9:23 am
New tagline for DR: “It’s so… white.” That’s great, and yes, I was going to bring up the York “phffffft” but I didn’t. I’ve never written about that on here — but I have on my computer. Holy shit. Are you IN my COMPUTER?
July 24th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
speaking on ear-crinkle, i got a bug bite on the BACK of my ear and it hurts like a MFer! also, i don’t like chocolate and mint together… i know. i also dont like chocolate and alcohol together. also, i don’t like chocolate balls in my mouth… or do i?
July 24th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
altoids are the devil’s candy. i’d rather eat a wad of wasabi. mmm. wasabi and chocolate?
July 25th, 2007 at 1:06 am
The only good thing about Altoids, I think, is when someone pulls Altoids out of their pocket and opens it up and there are drugs inside. I feel like people always had weed or cigarettes inside Altoid tins. Or people fit little pipes in there to smoke with. That’s all I ever think when I see Altoid cans. Besides that if I want something curiously strong, I’ll have a super-sour starburst or something, obvs. Or a sour slusheeee.
July 25th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
riese - you are so right. my faith in the altoids tin is restored.
July 25th, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Whoa… mine too. But you’d have to run that tin through a dishwater (preferably on pots & pans) to get me anywhere near it, that’s how much I hate the smell of Altoid’s.
October 6th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
have you ever had cadbury’s chocolate buttons? they are actually the best chocolate experience in the world..
October 8th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
Why…. yes, I have!