I’ve been gazing at this Special K ad, across the street from my office, all winter. I’ve had it. Get this through your numbskulls, snowmen: You look so much better fat! You’re not SNOWMEN if you’re not fat. I pick Snowman #2 as the one who looks Just Right. The emaciated tools on the far right, thankfully out of focus, shouldn’t even exist in someone’s mind, let alone ON THE SIDE OF A BUILDING.

Phooey!

Happy spring.

Yes.

New Idolatry video up today. I’m a lot bitchier in this one than the last one, which may not appeal to the masses. Oh my god! I don’t care!

Check out my “10 Reasons I’m a ‘Dancing’ Fool” gallery on EW.com today. It’s pretty shameless. Especially the last entry (pictured), in which my 10th and final reason-for-being = Edyta’s insistence on legwarmers.

Get ready for an entire season of my trademark Dancing With the Stars bullshit, everyone! (ABC, tonight at 8/7c)

Any questions?

The other night I had a moment.

“Pump up the world-aaaaaaaaaaaah-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, ow no (beat) hey yeeeeeah….”

Check out my Top Model 8 photo gallery on EW.com

And for an in-depth, generally amazing recap featuring screengrabs, go here.

I’m still reeling from that awful airbrushed rainbow in the background.

Mine’s Jerri Blank (Amy Sedaris). If she ever reads this, Kara F. will appreciate the last line of that writeup.

Read EW.com’s entire “staff picks” gallery.

I still don’t know!

See also: How orange crayons are made, courtesy of Sesame Street.

Said host Jeff Probst on last night’s Survivor:

“Today’s immunity challenge: Four tribe members will begin locked in floating cages. On my go, another tribe member will head out with the key to unlock the first tribe member from a cage. Once that person is free, they must race across a series of lilypads to free the second member from a locked cage. Once the fourth tribe member is freed from their cage, that tribe member, and the resucuer get on a boat, where another tribe member is waiting, with a ring of keys. Together, you will paddle to shore, picking up your stranded tribemates as you go. Once back ashore, you must then form a human pyramid. The person on top will use the ring of keys to unlock that last cage and free your final tribe member. First tribe to get on their finish mat wins immunity.”

This is all very The Hobbit, no?

When do we get to see the wizards? “Papa Smurf” might have been one, but now he’s gone. I want the wizards!

Help!