First I’d like to say: Sorry.

But.

I am just so incredibly glad I was forced to take Introduction to Typing the summer before my freshman year of high school. I cannot imagine having to look down at my fingers in the middle of every word, even though during the actual course, I remember thinking “This is too hard, why don’t I just fake it and then continue to have to look down at my fingers in the middle of every word? It can’t take that long. It won’t be that much of a hindrance in the long run. Meanwhile, I can continue scoping out all these losers in my class who already think they’re cooler than me, even though they have no idea, and by the way one of those girls is wearing Keds.”

No, it definitely would have taken that long. SO LONG. Get this: I am such a fast typist! I just typed that entire paragraph without even a thought! I am writing without thinking! What could be better?! (Anything.)

Honestly, have you ever really considered the connection, if there is one, between knowing how to type very well and actually… writing? Very well, or even writing at all? If I couldn’t type, could I really write? Would everything come out the same? Would it come out better, since I’d have more time to stare at it and then decide that it sucked, and then delete it quickly before hitting… PUBLISH?

SERIOUSLY I SOMETIMES CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I K-N-O-W H-O-W TO DO THIS!

I don’t care what you say. Typing is seriously impressive. It’s become instinctive, expected, taken for granted. People don’t realize how talented they are. Do you realize that if an extra-terrestrial, or a child, or a person from the 1800s sidled up to you while you were typing, you would blow their minds? They’d think you were awesome. And you are awesome. Let’s all give ourselves a pat on the back for knowing how to type.

Clearly I’m a little drunk. Hello, family vacation! “Fresh margs?”

P.S. What is with that photo? All I did was image-search “keyboard.” At first I was going to put up a pic of a piano-style board, just to be a little cryptic and also insinuate that typing/writing was not all that different than playing the keyboard — you know, creating music, man — but then I came across this gross board with weeds, or maybe weed, growing out of it, so I obviously had to use that. Thanks, other people’s images.