“I don’t need to see that!”

Specifically, I don’t need to see 20-inch dioramas of gum disease at the dentist’s. I think dentists position atrocities like this so you can see them right when the hygenist prods the swirly thingie directly into your most sensitive gum area and says “Looks like someone needs to floss more.”

She should have said “Looks like someone needs to floss for the third time in her life.” Then I’d have perked up. As it was, I couldn’t stop focusing on how much the “infected area” looked like an uneven squirt of spicy mustard.

Denny the Dentist totally caught me photographing the gingivitis model on his way in to check for cavities. “Hey, you like that thing?” Sure do!

I should have asked for a freebie to put in our bathroom so it could inspire fear daily. I know what I’d do, though. I’d peer at the gingivitis extensively for at least 45 seconds — longer than it would take to floss — and then proceed to not floss.

I much preferred this little guy in the dentist’s bathroom:

Only because I’d just found out I had no cavities.

See? It’s all good. Sweet Tooth and I are on the same side, battling against gingivitis, veggies, sugar-free gum and diet soda every single day. Let’s do this, Sweet Tooth. Midwestern August-style eating, here we come.