Here I am in Michigan, not updating DR:

Can you believe it? The sun is setting.

My hand reminds me of medieval Christian paintings, when baby Jesus or whoever the hell else was in those scenes would hold up certain fingers to boast their holiness. That wasn’t really what I was going for here.

Right now I’m in Chicago, frolicking joyfully in a wavepool of WiFi signals. I’ll mostly be staying in New Buffalo, MI for the next few weeks. Yes! Vacation!

I originally envisioned updating my blog from the beach a la Sandra Bullock in The Net, except she was conducting some sort of official business and I’d be attempting to better describe how it feels to eat a particularly sandy potato chip. (Great!)

Anyway, I thought Internet wouldn’t be a problem up there, but for this specific DR-based computer, it is. Sandra could explain why. I can’t.

Meanwhile, I’m heading up to the non-Internet area again, for two weeks. I’ll try to figure it out and update with important reports on chili con queso and the Michigan City, Indiana Steak n Shake, but can’t make any promises.

I’m aware that I suck. I should be Auf’d!

“I don’t need to see that!”

Specifically, I don’t need to see 20-inch dioramas of gum disease at the dentist’s. I think dentists position atrocities like this so you can see them right when the hygenist prods the swirly thingie directly into your most sensitive gum area and says “Looks like someone needs to floss more.”

She should have said “Looks like someone needs to floss for the third time in her life.” Then I’d have perked up. As it was, I couldn’t stop focusing on how much the “infected area” looked like an uneven squirt of spicy mustard.

Denny the Dentist totally caught me photographing the gingivitis model on his way in to check for cavities. “Hey, you like that thing?” Sure do!

I should have asked for a freebie to put in our bathroom so it could inspire fear daily. I know what I’d do, though. I’d peer at the gingivitis extensively for at least 45 seconds — longer than it would take to floss — and then proceed to not floss.

I much preferred this little guy in the dentist’s bathroom:

Only because I’d just found out I had no cavities.

See? It’s all good. Sweet Tooth and I are on the same side, battling against gingivitis, veggies, sugar-free gum and diet soda every single day. Let’s do this, Sweet Tooth. Midwestern August-style eating, here we come.