Dee (my mom) and I came across this monstrosity in the parking lot of the Countryside, Illinois Dominick’s supermarket. (Holla!) We were only doing a quick drive-by to mail a letter in the big blue box near the entrance, since Dee doesn’t trust our mailman. Kidding. We had actually just missed the mailman on our street and Dee got really excited about her quick-fix solution. “I know what we’ll do!” she exclaimed, not exactly telling me where we were going. If it hadn’t been for this beverage structure, the mailing trip might have been a letdown.

I may as well admit that neither of us really “got” the point of the structure right away. We were butt-up against it and at first only gawked at it becuase of its enormous size. Dee uttered something along the lines of “Huh!” I think I said something derisive, like, “Why was that necessary?” Excessive displays like this often annoy me.

I continued. “What’s with the random Dasani at the top?”

Dee gasped. “Annie! Do you see what it is?”

And I finally did. Jesus, I’m a moron. That little kid walking by probably knew it was a flag before I did, and he’s not even educated.

Or maybe I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. I do have a vision/brain deficiency that restricted me from ever seeing the images or hallucinations or hieroglyphics (I honestly wouldn’t know which of those words is more accurate) in those rampant Magic Eye posters from the generally awful 1990s. I detested those, and to this day I’m still aghast that they ever existed. Who even liked them beyond the first triumphant glimpse? Why would anyone actually purchase one of these? Christ. Get a better hobby!