Okay, slight problem. I will really miss gazing at Mischa Barton. I’m not kidding.

Don’t get me wrong — I thought Marissa was vile. But I still appreciated her face, frame, and hair. Who wouldn’t? She’s a dream. The O.C. made it so easy for people like me to have a relatively good excuse to stare at Mischa for an hour (the show was usually all about her — agonizing, but easy on the eyes) while exerting the least possible amount of effort. (Did you guys know that? Watching TV is easy.) What are we supposed to do now? Google image search that bitch? Rent The Sixth Sense? See whatever awful movie she makes next in all her emancipated glory? Watch avideo of her pushing Nicole Richie around in a shopping cart?

Fat chance, Mischa. Yeah, that’s right: Fat. Eat a pancake.

Someone should market a Mischa Barton slideshow of sorts. Not a calendar, nothing like that. Just basic photographs of Mischa in expensive, cool clothes — a slideshow that would change maybe every few hours. (But only when it was switched on, like a desk lamp. It’s not like I’d look at it all the time. Just whenever I wanted to).

Or, if I was the richest person ever, I could hire her to just sit in front of me, or show up wherever I happen to go. Like if I’m walking down the street, she’ll be walking the other way. No big deal, just “Oh, there’s Mischa.” Yet again. Just my luck!

She’d always have to be expertly styled — that’s the catch. I’d want her to do what she always did on the show: make me feel dowdy, large, and hopelessly unfashionable. I don’t want to miss out on this now that Marissa’s dead, and I fear that I might. Who will I love/hate to idolize now?

Nope. I’m voting slideshow instead of in-house existence. Seeing her in person — seeing anyone in person, actually — would be incredibly awkward. That’s not even what I want. Excluding special cases, I typically don’t like having to deal with actual human life. I’m confident that I’d never want to talk to Mischa, or do anything with her. I just want to be able to stare at her if I feel like it. A slideshow of her, looking good in different outfits. It’s not so much to ask.