I’ll just get this out of the way.

I DON’T GET THIS AD!!!

And now for the season premiere of “Dream On!” It’s Annie Barrett’s new series that covers the insipid little world of obnoxious Internet ads, starring diminishingreturns dot net and featuring Annie’s stuffed Heffalump. (He’ll only make occasional guest appearances.) First up: an ad that truly boggles the mind. Really gets those noggin juices going.

Who clicks on these? People who are reminded by the phrase “$100 FREE!” that for $100 free they could buy some perfectly fine illegal marijuana rather easily? And pretty much avoid your crappy ad box and everything it’s associated with?! DREAM ON, anonymous company. And my answer to your question is “No.” Pot smoking is for total burnouts and Winter Olympians.

The greatest thing I did today was discover a new salad dressing (not for salad, but so I have something in which to dip my Corner Bakery croutons) called Braswell’s Creamy Vidalia Onion Dressing. It… is… incredible.

The best part about that paragraph is that what I just said is exactly why people started to hate typical bloggers. (Why did I just say “started to”? They still hate us.) These people’s defense to “Why do you hate bloggers?” would be something non-witty, like “Oh yeah, like I’d really want to hear about someone’s mundane daily details. I don’t care if you ate canned soup straight from the big silver pot.” (I also did that today! I am such a cute and quirky blogger, you guys. Check me out!)

But I have neither excuse nor apology for throwing in some random tidbit about salad dressing, because I don’t need one. When I really think about it — like really pound the idea of the dressing and maybe even some of the residue left over from the dressing itself that just encrusted itself to my mouth — it’s really cool that this great find makes me supremely happy. [In the voice of Valerie Cherish:] “Well? I’m going with it!”

I adore the word “noggin.”

My neighbors are making amateur porn again. More on that later.

So. Later!