This morning I made a beeline down the long corridor of my huge apartment in the direction of the new box of Froot Loops I’d recently purchased for something like $4 at the Hudson Street Rite Aid. I was all prepared for the uphill battle I always manage to face during the simple process of opening the box so that the little cardboard section can tuck neatly into the little crevasse provided.

GET THIS. The box had been OPENED. Weird, I thought, still not putting it past myself to have unknowingly snuck a bowl while fast asleep dreaming about something better, like Reese’s.

Nope. Not only was the BAG open too, but the “sell by” date was August 2005! YES, I am a moron for not noticing this in the store. But Rite Aid is much worse than me. DR thus proclaims a BAN on Rite Aid for all of 2006.*

The worst part of the sort-of story is that for about 30 seconds I considered eating the Froot Loops anyway, before I remembered that according to logic and general folklore, they might kill me. Then I threw them away like the good little sucker I’ve grown up to be.

Hmmm.. Bart?

Ooh, I love how they positioned the question right next to Jessica or Lisa’s eyes. It’s like she’s daring us all to take a gander at her name. I’m sure she also really wants us to get new ringtones, with participation.

*Except if I’m right near it, or need cheap beer.