No, but I wish you were! You’re totally cute.

Sorry. I’m not one of those people who goes around bragging about her awesome new phone, if that’s what you think. I hate cell phones. I hate the idea of them. Who needs to be in touch that much? I just can’t get into them; something about my wiring. I like COMPUTERS. Namely this one. Which is what some people blurted out to me in earnest after I told them, years ago when cell phones were getting “really big,” (this happened, right?) that I hated cell phones. It was like this:

Annie: I hate cell phones!

Person: But Annie, you’re like… in love with your computer.

Okay. I don’t really get this. Who makes the connection between normal people’s affection for cell phones and applies them to Annie’s nerdy obsession with her computer (which, by the way, was at that point a grainy Dell laptop that buzzed 23 hours out of the day, the one buzz-free hour being the hour during which I finally shut down the comp and got some shut-eye). And also, in what world does someone else think that I’ll even respond to the ridiculous comparison that she just suggested? Who would hear that and be like “Yeah, you’re right, I forgot I was really into technology. I’m obsessed with my phone now”?

Not this girl!

My new phone is rad, though, and if I was that type of person, I would have bragged about it by saying “my new phone is rad” on my blog. But I’m so above that, so I didn’t. Because:

What? We are.