I’ll be out of town for nine days. Where? A bad photograph of the most ridiculous commercial currently on television is your clue:

Most people would find the Olive Garden’s Never-Ending Pasta Bowl disgusting because OG is an evil corporation whose food isn’t that good. I find it disgusting because I know, deep down, that my chain-restaurant standards are low enough that I would secretly really enjoy sitting in an Olive Garden eating plates of sub-par pasta until I gained seven pounds… just to make sure I got the most out of the deal.

Last week, I got a haircut at The Beach on Christopher Street. I am so cool! I live in the West Village!

Anyway, my illustrious stylist Thom ran across the street during my appointment to get these cheesy, bready “puffs” he kept talking about. “It’s like bread… and oil… and spices… oh, and obviously cheese!” he kept sputtering. Obviously. Curious as all hell but also in shock that there existed a trend in snacking of which I was not yet aware, I just glared at him and asked what he was talking about. It was a combination of shame and intense interest. I must have had an “Enlighten me. Now. I’m hungry.” death stare going on because when I looked up, he was gone.

We have a cute relationship like that. Last time, I bought him a peanut butter-chocolate bar from the Polka Dot Cake Studio after he opined, mid-foil, that there was nothing in the world better than a Reese’s. Until I discovered this bar, I might have agreed with him (as evidenced by my favorite poster), but I couldn’t let him go on living in a massive delusion and so delivered a bar to him promptly. His bringning me a cheesy puff must have been payback for that.

The puffs came from Pai Pao, across the street from the salon. Here’s a pic from inside:

Thom declared the puff ‘’this year’s Magnolia cupcake” and I already agree. Plus, the store staff doesn’t try to intimidate you with What the fuck are you doing in our bakery? looks, so that’s a perk. The puffs are small in stature so it’s like you’re eating less; plus, you get to feel like a giant. Wait, I already feel like a giant. Hmm. Then, a really thin and beautiful giant, with amazing hair, who’s stuffing fried cheese into her mouth because it’s suddenly trendy. Hooray.

Five puffs cost only $3.50. You could make them a meal, unless you’re really hungry, a big pig, or me. Here’s a cross-section of the NY Cheddar. It looks sort of disgusting, which is why I don’t get how it can be so good. Then again, a big platter of nacho soup (when there aren’t any more chips and the main course has yet to arrive) looks really gross, too, and clearly it’s amazing.

I was eating my puffs on the Christopher Street pier, and within eyeshot was this incredibly lame photo shoot:

What was this for? My guess is the J. Crew catalogue or some high-society magazine. WASP Weekly, perhaps. I still don’t get why they wanted the Hoboken skyline in the background or why they couldn’t have waited for a sunny day. I was intrigued by what sort of fake food could have been in their picnic basket, but I didn’t have the courage to ask. Models are so much cooler than me!

Loving: 99-cent 2-liters of Coke Zero
Hating: entire Thai food lunch special that I just knocked onto the floor