Is this Rachel Griffiths? I’m so confused. A Google search of “Rachel Griffiths Weight Watchers” is decidedly inconclusive.

I wouldn’t think much of it normally, but I saw the WW ad on the same day that I saw an Amstel Light commercial featuring lookalikes of Thom Filicia from Queer Eye and Jennifer Beals from The L Word. Clearly neither of the commercial’s actors are the celebrities themselves, but was this pairing intentional? Did people at the Amstel Light marketing meeting go “Let’s have the poeple look like the ones in the gay shows?” I just thought this was weird.

Not to mention, it’s the dumbest commercial ever. It’s set to haunting organ music that reminds me of The Count’s segements on Sesame Street when he used to say, “I loooooove to count! Ha, ha, ha, ha.” Except in the commercial, the woman mutters, “I loved you. You were perfection. And then, you were gone.”

Enter a more bug-eyed version of Thom, who gives her an “Are you for real? I brought you your fucking beer” look (left) before placing a full bottle of Amstel Light down to her empty one. Is this faux-glam scene supposed to embody Amstel’s slogan, “Live tastefully”? Are the loookalikes planted to suggest some higher-arching sexual tension or lack thereof at work in the room? Do I need to stop watching so much television?

Rounding out DR’s special advertising report is the new iPod nano commercial. The nano is so hip that it doesn’t need a capital letter to make it distinct. It really is that small.

If you’re one of the five people who read my iPod story last year, you may remember my insinuation that iPods are inherently racist. Well, in the new nano commercial, set to “Gimme That” by The Resource, a selfish white hand actually taunts a black hand with its iPod nano, and then pulls it away when the black hand tries to grab it from him. Gimme that! says the black hand, and the oppressive, hierarchical white hand says not in your wildest dreams can you have this bright white musical toy. Go back to your side and let me finish twirling around my nano as if it was a scratchy turntable and I was powering the song all by myself. Ch-check the technique, biatch.