Not updating this website is addictive. I bet you didn’t know that the absence of something, literally a non-activity, could have addictive qualities. But it can. It’s not the same as being addicted to a substance or activity, like drugs or doing drugs. I don’t go around thinking about my next “fix” of “doing anything else except writing in this space” but I do sit there motionlessly (”going around” sounds a little too active for me) and think to myself “You know what I feel like doing right now? Not updating my website.” Which at least means something — that I’m thinking about the website instead of thinking about nothing — but what ends up happening has nothing to do with the website at all. Namely, that I end up doing nothing that has to do with the website and nothing that doesn’t, either. I just got lost myself too, don’t worry. You see, not updating the website means that it’s that many more days until I can remember how to form coherent sentences again. And realize when it’s time to end an atrocity of a paragraph.

Here is proof that I had a reason to keep basking in the not updating:

See? I was at the lake (Michigan, where they don’t even have computers yet), looking nasty and acting smug in front of the camera for no reason. Who am I kidding with my hand on my hip and the no-teeth smile here? It’s like I’m saying “Yeah dude, check out my lake. Made it all by myself. Whoosh! Lake.” Gross.

Yes, my shirt does say “Western Springs Recreation Girls Youth Basketball.” It’s making my chest look disfigured, but that’s probably due to the bathing suit underneath. Bet I could sell that tee to a downtown thrift store for $16, which I would promptly carry to and deposit at Chipotle.

I’ve been getting 2-3 Slurpees per day at NYC’s first-ever 7-Eleven. I now excrete sugary syrup from my pores without even trying. Whoosh! It’s lovely.