Hmmm… what’s for breakfast? I’ll take a medium hazelnut coffee and the Living Arts section, thanks. File this underMost Random (or Most Effective — you choose) Placement of an Egg & Cheese Sandwich… Ever.

I mean, wow. It’s even on a croissant, which is hands-down the best way to enjoy E&C. And it has nothing to do with the newspaper. It’s quite possibly the most perfect image I have ever discovered on the Internet.

How could the two items possibly relate? Are NYT readers the best readers in the city, so therefore would likely choose the best breakfast sandwich in the city? In that way, the E&C could be like a compliment to the Times’ clientele. Or maybe it’s like a lollipop at the eye doctor’s office — sit through this stodgy newspaper (or get blinding drops placed into your eyes) and you will have earned a delicious, fat-drenched breakfast treat! Or maybe the image suggests that the NYT is as sexy, desirable, and downright tasty as an E&C croissant. Or, I guess, the ad could be suggesting that for the price of a breakfast sandwich, one could instead have a subscription. But that goes against the apparent continuity of the sandwich/paper combo and besides, people in New York don’t usually eat E&C because they have to keep skinny for each other. It’s the unspoken bond: You don’t eat, I won’t either, and we’ll all get depressed and strung out together. Party!

Those are four okay theories. But look closely. I’ve been missing the point. Check the headline right below the E&C. This has to be intentional. Much like the U.S. as concerns invading Iraq, readers of the NYT will have the opportunity to “attack” egg & cheese sandwiches from three unique angles. Or more, since the average Times reader is undoubtedly much more creative than the average U.S. citizen.

I’m really not quite sure where this website has yet to go now. After this, everything else will just seem mediocre. Like the other New York City newspapers! I get it!

Speaking of mediocre, new glasses:

How creepy is this? I feel like they should use this photo on public service announcements about stalkers.
They’d say SHE’S WATCHING YOU, or something better. Oooh.

The Rold Gold Honey Mustard Tiny Twists taste alarmingly like honey mustard for the first entire second of eating; then for the rest of the chews they just taste like regular pretzels. I pronounced this out loud at work and had to extend the challenge to a few naysayers who thought I was full of it. Of course, they ended up marvelling at my precision. “You should be a professional taste-tester,” said someone I don’t really know. “Oh, I am,” I replied, solemnly. “What?” “Yeah, it’s my day job,” I said. He stared. I stared, with the trademark Annie Barrett “What. Stop looking at me” face. Then he slowly backed away. That’s right. No more pretzels for you.

DR has decided to resurrect the “File This Under WTF?” feature. It might become even more popular than the “If I Worked at the Magnolia Bakery” feature. Imagine!

I’m obsessed with The Weather Channel’s weather.com. It’s my top bookmark (have fun guessing what the rest of those acronyms stand for, above) and it’s set to display the 10-day forecast for my zip code. Try it. You’ll love it. And if you love breadcrumbs as much as I do, you’ll especially love it, because the 10-day option seems to respond some sort of applet (Ha! I have no clue what “applet” even means and am 100% sure I am using it incorrectly) called “breadcrumb.” WTF?

Ideally, “breadcrumb” would change to a user’s most current craving by reading its mind. Someone needs to invent that. Hello! Technology! Let’s go. In 2020, my navigation bar better say this…

…which could easily apply to any moment in my life.

Pretty sure I was out of the loop as usual on what was probably a really basic computer term, I got the whole staff together for some intense research. A quick Google inquiry for “weather.com breadcrumb” returned a few sites that talk about “Breadcrumb Navigation.” Sounds official, and nerdy. That’s as far as DR likes to go in our research (the interns and I aren’t really into going the extra click), so we’re not offering any more than that. Sorry. We’re sure it’s not very interesting. But seeing if anyone finds this site by Googling the same thing should be. We can add it to our impressive list of the searches we dominate, like the gems “see buttcrack” and “bermuda shorts lyrics.”

Wow! I was just sitting in my cave of doom lamenting how crappy today’s post was when I got a colorfully urgent message from my sister:

i painted your jesus tulips.
thought you’d like to see part of your room on my canvas.
i made the cool glass vase-thing non-transparent cuz that would have
been too hard.
and now you don’t have a second window, or an annoying heater.
haha

(Click to make it bigger!)

Haha, indeed. Okay, the best part about this is that she broke up the lines like a poem. Second-best is that she deleted my constantly rattling heater, something I’d love to do myself but can’t since I don’t have her artistic superpowers and do have, instead, ears.

Awww. Isn’t she great? She’s like Little Miss Matisse Jr. But lest you start posting all sorts of pro-Meggers comments, let’s remember that she also just used the term “cuz” in an e-mail. And was, like, serious.

Wait. I just reread that and realized that the new best part of her note was the joke about my Jesus Tulips, which were the lone signifiers of the Easter holiday around my apartment. (I’d promised her an egg hunt Sunday morning, but looked around and realized there was no extra space to put the eggs.) It’d be kind of funny if I had accidentally bought purple and we randomly came up with “Jesus Tulips,” but no, I did do it on purpose. As a joke. And they didn’t bloom. He ain’t risen.