Today I’m embarking on a solo three-for-the-price-of-one film festival at the Battery Park Stadium. I’ll buy a ticket for Million Dollar Baby, then dart over to Sideways and The Aviator without ever leaving the theater. Yeah!

The cinema dart is a complicated strategy that requires meticulous planning and stealth, warn my parents, who do this at least once a week at the Quarry 14 in the ‘burbs. What can I say, they’re thrill seekers at their finest. The natural high gets them through those harsh Chicago winters.

They’re totally gonna kill me for posting this and outing them as dirty criminals. “And they seemed like such good people. You’d never know,” their former friends will say, shaking their heads sadly.

But I’m not addicted and obsessive like The Deedles are. I’m just doing the dart (I’ll probably do the Dew at the same time) so that I’ll have seen all the nominated movies before Sunday night. Last night was Hotel Rwanda. Yikes. Is it wrong that all I could think about the entire time was that Don Cheadle was my favorite featured porn star in the greatest movie ever, Boogie Nights? I don’t think so.

I better go fix a sack lunch… and possibly also a barrel dinner. I’m so excited. If my plan doesn’t work, it’s not just me who’ll be disappointed. I’ll feel like I’ve truly let down my parents. That would hurt.

What do you think? Is the cinema dart as daring as I’m making it out to be, or does everyone do it? At least assure me that my proposed triple play is SO much cooler than my parents’ usual double feature.