Sorry about the hiatus. Annie, nobody cares. This whole “working” thing really gets in the way of my sitting-around-and-playing-with-Photoshop schedule.

So since I have virtually nothing to offer anymore, how about a look back at some of the most telling Google searches that have brought people to Diminishing Returns in the past month:

celebrity pit stains - Obviously. DR is proud to be the World Wide Web’s one-stop source for all you need to know on celebrity pit stains.

shake shack - Huzzah! Jackpot!

wendy’s claim open late - I agree. I’ve serached something like this before, too. Wendy’s is NOT open late in all regions of America, particularly that big “middle” one. Come on, Dave. Rise up from the grave and get on that.

oriental chicken salad rollup - Yes. Because when I’m cravin’ an Oriental Chicken Salad Rollup, the first thing I do is look it up online.

“me in a skirt” - Not cool. So not cool.

bud light message in a bottle - Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? Bottles of Bud Light don’t contain messages, subliminal or otherwise. They leave that to their subway ad panels.

urban outfitters stress pillow - Oh god. This one’s just embarrassing. How could I willingly associate myself with Urban Outfitters?

jackson’s fruit stand new buffalo mi - Totally. Considering no one there has probably ever used a computer, I might as well be their default homepage.

you look like such a snob - Yeah? Well, so do you.

ipods should be outlawed - Yeah, man. You said it!

Sadly for me, I didn’t make any of these up. I’m pretty sure the gem here is “you look like such a snob,” because if someone was to click on my site from that search, they’d see the top photo of me looking bitchily [that’s a new word] at the text to the right and be like “Yes, she does.” Then they’d see the words “School Supplies” emblazoned on pens and be like “Huh? Loser.”

They just don’t get it. Annie, nobody does.