Now that I’ve been updating daily, Google has been picking up each day’s entry as a new page. Thanks, invisible Web crawlers that until yesterday didn’t know this site existed. It’s amazing what selling out can do for your site’s traffic!

Anyway, I was somewhat amused to learn via my elaborate “stalk the stalkers” system that in the past few days, people have come across Diminishing Returns by Google searching phrases both boring (”swim cap worn at athens“) and obvious (”synchronized diving sucks“). Nice.

But I became absolutely thrilled after learning that apparently, at least three other people worldwide are with me in wondering why the F Olympic divers take little showers AFTER GETTING OUT OF THE POOL. Is this not redundant? They were just in the water! What is going on? Nihilism Bear?

It didn’t occur to me until after finding out people actually searched “olympic synchronized diving rinse,” “synchronized diving shower,” and FINALLY, “why do olympic divers rinse off after a dive” that I was not alone in my pondering.

So, since three wayward souls have already clicked on DR to find out, I feel sort of obliged to at least attempt an explanation or six. Here they are:

a) The rinse water is fresh, and the pool water is chlorinated. Chlorine makes hair turn green. Divers are on TV so their hair CANNOT turn green. (Within 20 seconds.)

b) The divers are ON TV! And they have hard bodies! They want more attention paid to their hard bodies. They must rinse off every inch of their hard, hard bodies just for their fans. And for creeps.

c) NBC planted these showers to improve ratings. “Water! Hard bodies! Being the only channel that shows The Olympics! We can’t lose!” Slow-motion footage can also be used surrounding commercial breaks. Instead of, you know, the dives.

d) Divers need something to do between diving and receiving their scores. God forbid they interact with each other, so they rinse off, just because. Plus, it’s rude to stare at the judges. You should entice them instead.

e) Divers just really, really love water and can’t get enough of it. To get enough of it, they need to arch their backs and slowly exhale with their eyes closed and the “go ahead, spritz me” facial expression of their choice.

f) None of the above, moron.

I can’t find an image online. This must not be a big enough deal. But come on! Three people plus me! That’s like a minor phenomenon.