Hi everyone! I'm Annie Bearett, your Terror Bear tour guide. How's my hair? Okay, great.

The Care Bears had a pretty good year in 2003, coming back from the dead to win the Parents Magazine 'Toy of the Year' award.

To that, I and my friends say WTF? We're the Terror Bears. Consider us the dirty second cousins of the Care Bears. We're pompous, disagreeable, lazy, and not that interested in children. We make horrible toys, gifts, centerpieces, and fuck puppets. Don't buy us.

Do peruse our merchandise, though. We don't want to get to know you, but you're welcome to learn all about us. We're what matters. Oh, except Nihilism Bear. He doesn't matter at all.

Click below to begin your magicless journey!